I’m missing my daughter so much today.


It’s setting in now and it’s driving me nuts. I’ve talked to her 4 minutes in the last two weeks and I’m pretty sad about it. I try and call but no one ever answers. I don’t ever know what to do. I guess I just need to adapt, because this will most likely happen again in the future, but it sure is hard. I love her so much, and I pray every day that she is taken care of. I know she is, but I just need to hear her voice telling me “I luuuv you too!” and “No daddy, real kisses” because she makes my world go around.

I still know what I’m doing is best for all of my family, but that doesn’t always make it easy.

I know she won’t read this, but I love you too.

Things are about to get real crazy in the world

Are you ready?

There is something truly huge coming and there is really nothing we can do but brace ourselves and be ready as much as possible.

The world as we know it is about to be completely turned upside down. Why?

We are about to attack Iran, and I believe that this will be the end of cheap oil. Not only will it be the end of cheap oil, but cheap everything, because everything is dependent on oil to be cheap. I know that the people in charge of the US attacking Iran are thinking about all this, but I really just don’t see any way around this.

Hello World War 3. Is this going to be the War that comes to our shores? I sure hope not, but I fear that it will. The time is now to get ready, for our children and for us.

What am I talking about? Preps.

Preps are everything that you will need to help get through these hard times. Food, Water, Guns, Gasoline and everything else that can be stored to make things better later. There is little else that we can do but get it done now.

The time is here, be ready.

Colorado isn’t the same this time around

The first time I came to Colorado I pretty much fell in love and thought that it was the best place ever. Now that I’ve gone some other places, then gone back to my hometown and now come back here, I don’t think it’s all that special. It may just be that it’s 0 degrees outside and I’m not liking that all that much, but is’ more than that. When I came and fell in love I thought that everything was cheaper and that every one here was so much different than people in Califronia. Now that I have been around a bit and actually had a chance to meet people and work with people it’s turning out to be not all that different than California and I’m not so sure that it’s really any more beautiful than were I was born and raised.

One time, someday, I will go somewhere and see some place that I will fall in love with and it will be everything I need from a place to live. It will be like that the first time, and then every other time I go there. I know it’s out there, but where I have no idea. I just can’t wait to give my family a great place to live, wherever it is.

Today is an interesting day to say the least

I was told by my ex that I am an unfit father. The lies and filth that she spews still amazes me. For a long time I let it effect me in a negative way. Verbal abuse is so horrible, there is no way to explain to the person that the things they say hurt you so deeply. They don’t understand as well that a human being can only take so much of it before they are done, and that doesn’t ever change from that moment on.

The reason for this all is that she found out that I am going to father another child. I am pretty proud that I am going to be a father of this child. I think that I am a great father to my daughter now. I love her very much and I will do anything for her. Someday I will be in a better financial situation and maybe have a good career where I can be there physically more for her, but for now I have to get myself together so that when this new child comes I will be able to do the same for him or her.

Being a father is one of the most complicated things in life, it seems. There is this balance that seems impossible to find between being there for your family and working to support your family. Unfortunately the way life goes sometimes you have to make choices that are hard to do, but you know that in the end it will be better for everyone.

Changing careers at 30 years old has been difficult to say the least. After I realized that my former career of 14 years was no longer going to not only provide for me financially, but it would make being a parent and loving husband very difficult. Working in the restaurant business is for single people and young people. I am neither, so I felt the need to adapt. Plus restaurants are high stress and low return on income with very little chances of having any real benifits. Not exactly something that is good for a healthy family lifestyle.

I decided to go into construction for a couple of reasons. First is that it is a career that can be very lucrative. Many people are doing very well in this career, and it is possible to either be self employeed or work for a larger company that will take good care of you. I’m not quite sure where I’ll go on that one, but it’s nice to have a choice. Second is that I have friends that do it, so I knew I would be able to get a foot in the door. Starting over at an older age is not always easy, so it’s good to be able to have people take you under thier wing and teach you thier trade. I also like that I am learning skills that will teach me how to make my own home someday.

This crazy world

Every day I struggle with one question. Why are we here? I’ve read the bible, talked to many, many people about it and still I can make no sense of it all.

Some people will say that we are here for love. I’m not too sure about this. Love is a great thing, but I really think that it is a gift that we can appreciate while we go for a ride. I cant even fathom what life would be like without it in some form, very difficult at least, but it is not the meaning of life.

Are we here simply to eat, sleep and breed? Simply for the purpose of making our species live on? Could it be that simple? It makes sense, but I truly have to believer that there is more to life than that. Or else why would we live through the crazy lives we do anyways?

The bible says we are here as a test of our belief in God. I can believe that, and I try and remember that every day. But it doesn’t really answer my question. There is so much in this world that has a negative push against believing and I know that it is only there to remind you that having faith is an important thing. In the end, what happens to us is by far the most important thing.

The only real answer I can come up with is that we are here to enjoy life as much as possible while doing it in a fashion that allows us to make our Creator happy. What else can we do?

Money

Why is it that everything has to depend on money? I can be having a perfectly good day, then realize that I am broke and everything goes bad after that. It seems like having money is the key to happiness, and that is pretty sad.

I’m not even really sure why, but when you have money you are happy and when you don’t your are not. It’s that simple. Not that you have to be rich, although it would be nice, you at least have to have money to pay bills and do the things you need to do during your daily routine. If you don’t have that, you are sad. Right?

It seems so strange to me that this is the case, and I struggle with it a lot. In my perfect world I guess I would just have my place in the world and everything I needed would just come to me. There has to be a way to do it, but I have no idea how. I see people all around me that seem to live life like this. On the other hand I see people all the time that are not living like this. I don’t like it and I want so badly to figure out how to not be sad from it anymore.

So what can one do to overcome this problem? I think that there are many things that can make this somewhat feasable. Living a sustainable lifestyle is a big one. By that I mean living on a budget that is not going to make you broke, and trying to avoid the many things in life that are nothing more then good sales pitches. It’s hard, but it is possible. The only thing that makes this hard is when you miss out on what life has to offer, because you don’t spend money on anything. Being broke (within your budget of course!) with a good feeling about what you have seen and done is a pretty good thing I would say.

In the end there is nothing about money that can make you happier than spending time with friends and family doing things you enjoy. Sometimes remembering that is important when you are having a bad finance day.

Made it the rest of the way to Denver today

The road was good and all is well, at least its a little warmer here.

It’s really nice to be back in Colorado, actually. It’s an amazing place, and I still would like to live here someday. Maybe someday.

I start work tomorrow, I’m looking forward to it. I’ve missed it the last couple of months. It’s kinda interesting to roll into a different town and sometimes a different state every week and adjust to everything around you. The good thing is that it’s not really evey boring that way.

I actually took some good pictures of the trip today, but I left the camera in the truck, so they will have to wait. Nothing too exciting, but still some pics of the Rockies and what not. We are about 20 minutes from Rockie Mountian National Park, so if I get some time I may go over there and explore around a bit. Hopefully anyways.

On the road again…..

Just got into Laramie, Wyoming for the night. What should have taken 14 hours has taken us 36 hours. It’s been quite an adventure, thats for sure.

This is a picture of the truck and the co-pilot in Nevada just out side of Wendover. It’s been snowing pretty much the whole time, from the Sierras to know.

The first day of travel we left at 6am from Auburn, CA and only made it to Park City, Utah. Traffic was pretty slow going up and over the Sierras, mosly because my windshield washer fluid froze and I had to stop to clean the windshield off every few miles.

Just after the above picture we ran into our first accident in the Ruby Mountains. That had us in a traffic jam for over 3 hours alone.

This is what the road has been like the whole day today.

And in case you don’t already know this is what our view looked like during the second accident we ran into. It was about 30 miles west of Laramie.

The trip has actually been pretty fun and very different for me. I’ll let you know how the last leg is tomorrow. For now….my bed awaits!

More on work…

So, adding on to our previous topic of work, what is it that makes you happy at work?

Pay is going to be the number one answer, of course. If you make good money it makes everything a little bit more tolerable, but I say that it is not the most important thing we need to be happy at work.

Next is benefits, nice to have, but many people work without them.

Perks. Perks are what make a crappy job worthwhile. If you go to work every day and get in trouble for what others around you do and what not you will not stay very long….but if you through in some perks it’s amazing how long people will stay. What am I talking about? The main perks I can think of are training, discounts, gifts like tools and things you can take home as a byproduct of work. The happiest I have ever been is when my boss not only takes the time to show me how to do things, but they also help me with the tools that I need to get the job done. When you have your own tools you take more pride in the work you do, it’s as simple as that. If your boss wants you to produce quality work then they have to get you to have pride in what you do. It’s an amazing circle, actually.

Some day I will find a job that actually pays my bills, gives me the ability to go to the doctor when I am in pain and I have pride in what I do. I know it’s out there, but where?

What is it about work?

In a somewhat general term we can divide life into 3 parts based on time spent doing things. The first 1/3 of life is spent sleeping. We sleep 8 hours a day (or so) and that means we spend 1/3 of our life doing it, right? The second 1/3 of our life is spent working, because we generally spend 8 hours a day doing it. The last 1/3 of our life is spent living, and I’ve definately talked about that a bit already.

This thing we do for 1/3 of our lives is something that I think about regularly. I have at some points in my life both hated and loved my work. I think that I am currently on the hate side of things, but not too much. It makes sense to me that if you are going to do something for 1/3 of your life, you should like what you are doing, right?

Then why do so many people hate their jobs? Why are so many people only going to work, because they have absolutely no other choice?

One reason I can think of is that people might be doing a job just to get by or learn a skill that will prepare them for a job they know that they will do later. I’m guessing this is what stage of my career I am in now. It kinda sucks, but you think every day you know this will end at some point and you are a better person for it, so you muddle through.

Another reason is if you are doing it because you have to support your family and all. This one to me is total bull if it goes on very long at all. There are always good jobs, you just have to find them and that doesnt happen by not looking.

The last reason is that you have some kind of addiction or problem and you just do it because you know you can get away with the things you need to and make a living. This sucks, but I see it happen quite a lot.

So you have this thing you have to go do for 1/3 of your life at least and I just cant get the thought out of my mind that this should not be a horrible thing. Not at all.

You know what amazes me even more? That there are so many people living life (unhappily for the most part) that have no dreams what-so-ever! How can you not want to think that there may someday be an end to everything around you that is bad and you may be able to find the one thing that truly makes you feel like the smart, intelligent, productive person you are?

I have had a dream, but it was squashed by the two people I thought would help me make it happen the most. That hurt bad, and I never really thought I would recover from it, but I have. A new dream has come to mind, and I can’t wait to make it happen. I have no idea how it will, but I didn’t the last time either. Some how, some way, it will happen. It will happen because I can make it happen.

Do you have a dream? If so, good. If not, why?